Photo Credit: jooanfossi
Mondays are the worst. It’s not because it’s the beginning of the week or because it means you have to go back to work. It’s because Monday is known as National Chest Day in gyms throughout US. For all my international readers, if this seems to be universal, let me know in the comments.
It never fails. Every Monday, no matter whether I attend the university gym or another facility, the bench presses and portable benches for dumbbell presses are always occupied by all of the bros. It seems I can never get a bench on Mondays unless I go early in the morning. But who likes to train early in the morning?
The Definition of a Bro
Before I go any further, we first must take a look at what a bro is in this context.
A bro is your typical dude who attends the gym anywhere from 4-7 times per week and who primarily focuses on his mirror muscles.
However, I’ve gathered some definitions from some of my friends on the internet in which a few I’ll be meeting with next month at the JP Fitness Summit.
A bro is a generally well-meaning yet under-educated fitness enthusiast whose standard of evidence begins and ends with the anecdotal. If a jacked guy says take your NO-booster preworkout, free-form BCAA intraworkout, and WMS postworkout, then boom — the bro will not only follow the advice blindly, he’ll preach it to others as the best way to go. When asked why, the bro will either refer to his jacked buddy as definitive proof, or he’ll make up some nonexistent physiological process. If the latter occurs and research references are demanded, the bro will conveniently turn against science. If questioned further, the bro might demand shirtless pics from the skeptic to justify his credibility.
A bro is someone who consciously or unconsciously excludes evidence or knowledge that lies outside his immediate and presumptive body of experience in order to assert himself over others when involved in debate.
Being a bro is not about the destination; being a bro is a journey. It’s not merely about benching Monday, Wednesday, and Friday so you can get laid on Saturday night from some drunken club tail, it goes deeper. Like how a thumbless bench grip defines me as a person, how my orange skin shows my commitment, how Avenged Sevenfold don’t only write songs about vampires but how vampires are a metaphor for the rest of life trying to suck the life out of a bro. It’s about saying yes to another Jager bomb, high fiving when it’s “all you bro!”, saying no to chasing chubbies, and absolutely saying no to 2.5lb plates. Nickles or nothing, bro! That’s what being a bro is all about!
A bro knows that a picture is worth a thousand studies; the more EXTREME the advertising, the greater the placebro effect.
Twitter is weird and sometimes useful
I’ve never been too big a fan of twitter. It’s not because I think it’s useless or impractical, time consuming or wasteful; it’s simply because I don’t feel too comfortable using it. I know it may not seem so considering my 1000+ tweets but it’s true. I just don’t feel I’ve figured it out quite yet. I don’t follow just to follow either; I hate it when I find someone with an account of 100K followers but they’re following 120k. It just makes no sense.
I’m off the soapbox.
Regardless of my feelings toward this medium of social media, I thought something was fairly comical when I asked the question: “best way to deal with the bros on national bench day???”
A few of my followers came up with some funny responses/solutions to my lingering issue. Allow me to elaborate below.
Just Do Legs Instead
This is one of the more popular choices for the fitness-conscious who’d like to avoid the bench wars on Mondays.
First up we have Matt Perryman, @ImpulseStrength and @ErinElberson of GlutenFreeFitness chiming in here.
This is probably the best advice if you wish to get your workout done in a timely matter while avoiding all interaction with the bros.
Some may even choose to do their workout on the opposite side of the gym (if possible) to avoid interruption or confrontation with said bros.
Train Chest Another Day
Of course, this falls in line with the example above. Akwaman1286 suggested briefly to “bench on Wednesdays. YYYYYEAAAAAAAAHHHHH.” I see he gets excited about avoiding the bros altogether.
I can relate and this is usually how I go about it. When I’m training 4x per week, I’ll do legs on Mon/Thurs and upper body work on Tues/Fri. This allows me to have the bench and other pressing mediums to myself midday while the bros are out planning their next chest workout for the following Monday.
It’s either that or you can usually find them with their nose pressed up against a mirror with dumbbells in hand, sleeves rolled up to show off the guns and watching every single rep of their 20 set arm workout.
Gotta work the gunz, bro!
We Could Get Physical, Bro.
One tweet from @brandonstanfill mentioned an aggressive tactic if one were so inclined.
I thought this was rather funny and while I don’t think I’d ever go this far, it’s nice to daydream about doing this to the dude who takes up the squat rack for 20 minutes doing barbell curls or worse: forearm curls…
Old Dogma Could Work
I found this particular tweet oddly funny. @iamgabeaudick gives me an idea that might just work.
Many bros choose not to squat for more reasons than one. The main one is because they’d rather work on their chest and arms, therefore they’re too busy with the bench press on Mondays and working their arms the rest of the week.
Sadly though, one reason people never work legs is due to the old dogma that squatting is bad for the knees. Yea, right. That’s why athletes all over the world in every sport that requires strength and fitness are doing squats in many variations. How many knee problems do they have? Not many.
Maybe this would be a good way to free up a few benches on Monday afternoon? Nah, I won’t spoil their fun.
Teach Them A New Exercise
And finally, we have the esteemed @SkylerTanner whom I’m so fond of. His suggestion was definitely worth mentioning.
Yes, we could definitely teach them a new movement. However, I have a feeling that it wouldn’t catch on because they’d be working something other than their chest. They’d be working their lats and mid back – a body part they don’t see too often. My hunch is once I returned to my workout, they’d be back to the horizontal pressing and consistently getting pinned to the bench like nobody’s business.
Moral Of The Story
I love the bros, actually. No hate from me.
It just goes to show you what we know as truth. Monday will always be National Bench Press Day. So, if you like to be efficient and effective with your training, you might as well be doing something other than the bench press if you plan to do anything else other than work out on Mondays.
I would say that at my gym, Monday is “National Curl Day”. I recently switched my schedule so I train on Mondays as well and was astounded by how crowded it was. Why do you think this happens on Mondays specifically?
Hey, curling in the squat rack is for safety, people. Safety first!
No really, I get asked all the time by our local bro’s how I got so “jacked” (or “swoll”, that’s the new one). When I tell them it’s from lots of cleans, snatches, and front squats … they aren’t so happy.
haha, they’re just afraid of the WORK!
i think ure being a little picky here. whats wrong with training for mirror or beach muscles? if youre like most guys who have a 9-5 and dont train for any type of competition or for any professional sports then who cares if your muscles are only for looks and you cant actually use them to run down a running back in the flats. 99% of us only work out because girls like it anyway lol
haha, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with training for aesthetics; it’s what I do!
I just wanted to make a funny AND make one think about alternatives to the bench press and about working something other then the mirror muscles as it will keep you healthy in the long run.
and I beg to differ regarding your comment about the girls “liking it.” From what I’ve experienced and seen, most don’t care. It’s the guys who simply want to outdo each other.
here are a few articles you might enjoy regarding “working the non-mirror muscles”
Part I
Part II
Well, another Monday…enjoyed the post and the comments, but now I feel like I must have been raised by wolves or something. Curls in the squat rack…are you kidding me…wouldn’t even cross my mind and wouldn’t be tolerated at the gyms where I cut my teeth. The guys you looked up to were getting ready to squat or do weighted pull-ups.
welcome to the world of commercial gyms, Adam!
If training chest on a Monday makes you a bro… then I’m a bro! I think most guys like to train chest on a Monday because it is the easiest and most satisfying muscle group to train – bench presses, pec flys etc. Legs hurt like hell so I always put that off until thursday!
you’re such a bro!
When I went to write this comment, I thought it was Monday, and I was going to say, I just worked my chest today LULZ….
however it turns out that it is indeed Wednesday
This is a funny post JC but makes me a bit sad because I do in fact miss the old bench. Two reasons I cannot jump on the beloved bench
1-My worst injury http://www.lmdfitness.com/training/overcoming-injury-stop-exercising/ – Torn major left pec from playing rugby (not like most bro’s who’d rip it on a bench press)
2-My gym is no meat head gym and therefore doesn’t contain a bench.
The bench sure can be a staple lift and as I said I miss it. It goes with the classics of barbell squat and deadlift. But…I think some people go ott with the whole bench press. My chest isn’t as pumped as it used to be due to my injury but lighter dumbells, cables and chin ups keep my chest quite toned.
Thanks for the inclusion. I especially like that you included my “YYYYEEEAAAAHHHH.”
Actually, I love the bro’s for all the same reasons that everyone else here (including you) seems to, but I do try to avoid them when I’m trying to run a circuit.
I typically don’t like to go to the gym on Mondays anyway, especially in January…ugh. But sometimes you just have to go.
And curls in the squat rack, I know people rant about this enough but whats the point!?!? But people who half ass their squats and hog the rack are just as bad.
Bro’s are funny. A bro last year was telling me to juice up. It was the only way I was going to grow. You can pretty much just go across the border and juice up in less than an hour. I just smiled and nodded and retreated slowly.
Well it’s the price we pay for being part of a gym.
it is the price we pay and I love every minute of it.
I could never train at home because I’d miss all the bro’s.
I got a new one, at least for me, tricep kickback in the squat rack. That is a true bro. Well, in their defense, the gym is being remodeled and there ain’t a whole lot of room around.
I’m thinking a picture of “The Situation” instead of Mario (even though i get the “Bro” as in “Mario Brothers” referece) would be more appropriate.
Or the guy from the Jagerbombs YouTube clip!
LOL
I now put you in charge of all pictures for the site.
My God. It’s full of win.
That was hilarious. I been doing MadCow 5×5 for 7 weeks now. I’ve never had an issue getting on the squat rack, but the bench is a horse of a different color. I feel like some guys in my gym bench every single time they are there.
That is fine with me because I never have any waiting issues for pull ups, dips or squats.
hows madcow treating you?
I actually was almost crowded out of the squat rack today. weird…
Madcow rocks. I’m really making progress. Getting a little bored of squating so much, but the weight improvement is awesome.
Thanks for the recommendation.
“…it’s nice to daydream about doing this to the dude who takes up the squat rack for 20 minutes doing barbell curls or worse: forearm curls…”
I REALLY hate it when I’m ready to do some squats and I walk into the gym to see some guy doing bicep curls on the squat rack.
I see so many guys who have only arms and a chest to show off when everything else is small.
At least I stand out when I’m the only one doing weighted chins.
OK, I didn’t realize that JC would use that witty little remark when I shot it off. For the record I was (half) kidding, basically let them realize that they can’t lift as heavy as they say, and it might humble them into not acting like a moron.
I liked it. I thought it was very appropriate, no?
Yeah, but I guess I’m afraid it makes me sound like I have a bad temper. For the record, I don’t.
nah, I don’t think it sounded that way at all…
Hmm..we may have a problem. If they decide to do biceps with chest, then they could be using the squat rack for curls….
What am I thinking? Chest and triceps or nothing!
Thanks for making me laugh on Monday morning JC!
thank you!
Mondays = international bench day, its the same down in aus too